I have a poop problem. This may sound a bit vulgar – "low register," as an online slang dictionary termed it – but I bought a new car and birds are pooping all over it. Yes, I know, the word "poop" ...

Birds. Some are sacred. Some are deadly. Some are delicious. They can fly, float, swim and sing. Science suggests these magnificent creatures descended from dinosaurs. But when their droppings descend ...